hey remember this thing?

I decided today to join the "blogosphere" I keep hearing about.
http://jonequalscool.blogspot.com/
Update your bookmarks or don't. I'll probably get bored of it in a week too. But If you're dying to read what I'm thinking about for like 12 hours a day where I sit here, feel free.

Oh. I quit livejournall!!!1

Happy 420 dudes!

I didn't have electricity for the past week. Now, I do.

Life sucks. They took away the internet radio stations. Tomorrow is Kowabunga Uber Alles. Not that I'll be able to tell. This seriously kills the mood at work. Granted, I usually brought cds in anyway. But it's the option. The surf rock on Fridays. That's what I'll miss. But not for long, as I've decided to turn this idle 'new job' talk into a serious new job hunt. It seems like every day I have another reason to quit.

In an unrelated story. Spring has sprung! It's gorgeous outside and spring fever's catching on everywhere! I feel much better now than a few weeks ago. Looking back at my end of month entry last month, March 30th Jon can't even relate to February 28th Jon. I really don't have anything insightful to say here. Which is probably good, because insightful Jon usually is a mopey Jon. Alright time for me to go catch a wave (by the by, if anyone sees those surf lighters with the flag like I had last year, buy me some. I'll pay you back. Several times over, seriously). Aloha, bitches!

I've always hated the first of the month. Not just because work will suck beyond suckiness tomorrow. This has been a long-standing thing between myself and the first. The days can go by utterly wasted not a question asked, but a month is a much bigger thing. Another month with nothing to show for. Back to my net of zero for a month. Nothing gained, but nothing lost. I feel basically the same as I did four weeks ago. I have nothing special to show for these days. Sure I've bought things and I suppose I've done things, but nothing terribly new. I really haven't written anything of consequence in here for ages. I do apologize. Not that you're upset, I'm sure. Whenever I do write anything, it comes off as whiny and boring, I've felt. But that's how I feel today. Lately I've almost been itching to grow up and get a house and get married and settle down. Somewhere between the last step of growing up and giving up, really. Giving up my youth, I suppose. The carefree days I stopped having years ago but have pretended continue. I work for a bank now, for christssake. I'm not a sixteen year old sneaking cigarettes and going to shows anymore. Yet I'm not quite an adult, either. It's not like I'm on a path to anything in particular. I'm still stuck in the middle and I've been here for quite some time, now I'm beginning to worry. I really do worry I'll be in the middle for years to come and wind up as that old guy who never quite amounts to anything. Back in high school, one of my best friends used to hang out with guys who were like 40 and never quite got around to growing up. I'd get dragged along to see them jam in the basement and smoke weed and pretend they were still 20. Ever since, I've been terrified of not amounting to anything. I have no intention of changing the world, mind you, but I can't stand the thought of sinking down to those depths either. I'm not saying marriage is the be-all end-all of it here, as though suddenly that makes your life meaningful. But this certainly isn't really giving me anything either. I'd love to say something heroic like "Nothing ever happens immediately. Life is a series of years, years a series of months, months a series of days, days a series of moments. The path to life is in each passing moment. I should finally start to use mine the right way for once." But I know that's not going to happen. I'll wind up sitting here 31 days from now saying the same thing. In the end, all I have to blame is myself. Blame myself for missed opportunities and giving up too easily in everything. I try to hide that I'm miserable every day now. I like to think I'm doing pretty well at it, in fact. I shouldn't be that miserable, I suppose. I have a job that pays well enough, an apartment, food to eat, friends, et cetera. I should want for nothing more, yet the human side of me does. I still want to wake up in the morning and feel like I have something I'm working for. I hate sounding whiny and emo about it, but I think it boils down to basic loneliness. Just the desire to be loved. The desire for something physical. I miss the highs as much as the lows. The thrill of it all. My life as it stands now is very middle of the road. Maybe I do have lofty expectations for myself. Delusions of grandeur. Dreams that somehow linger that there's something more for me. Maybe it's just the feeling that I deserve better. That everyone else has someone and I get unrequition. Maybe tonight's Gilmore Girls just threw me for a loop with Lane getting proposed to by Zack and everyone else has someone, even if it goes away and comes back. I'll take the easy way out and blame this entry on TV.

Dear my sweetest Livejournal friends,

Whoever it was that bought me the Super Furry Animals' "Rings Around the World" DVD, I do appreciate it. Now, would you please deliver it to me as soon as possible. I was quite disappointed when I left work to go to Border's to pick it up with my delightful 30% off coupon today only to find it had been sold. So the only logical explanation is one of you bitches bought it for me for no particular reason. Since it'd be rude to buy it this early for my birthday, as it was the only one there.


Lovingly Yours,
Jon

PS- I did buy a Henry Rollins DVD instead. Normally, this would be pleasing. Not today, though. Until the SFA DVD is delivered to me.

Anyone who has Animal Crossing: Wild World and wants to add me, the friend code is: 4725-0712-0862. Perhaps together we can break free these chains of indentured servitude set forth by Tom Nook. God he's such a jerk. "Deliver this! You owe me 439754365374 Bells for a shack with a bed and a candle!" And the folks in my town are lame so far. All I have is a dog, a rabbit, and a squirrel. I miss Grizzly! Other than that, Titybong (only 8 letters fit) is slowly becoming a booming metropolis. This has been a pretty nice day off thus far. Now I'm off to hang out with Lor for a bit.

As many of you may remember, I purchased a bluegrass tribute to Green Day a while back, which was amazing. So today, I discovered a bluegrass tribute to Modest Mouse. Needless, to say, it should be arriving later this week. I also tried, and quite honestly failed, to find a nice tshirt that proclaims that "the world is my ashtray", which I've been looking for basically since the Moon & Antarctica came out. I designed an awesome one on some website with the picture of a cigarette and an ashtray, but they had a minimum order of 10. Which would be easy, had I 10 friends. Well, I'm going for a drive now, then going to bed nice and early. I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. I really do not want to wake up. I think I'll tell Jamie that I can't open on Sundays. Like really make a production, since just saying "I want 2 days off a week from both jobs" doesn't quite register that I want Sundays off. Then again, I'll just be bored all day on Sundays AND Saturdays. I really can't wait for my normal schedule, when I'll have 2 days off, but they'll be more scattered. Dragging through five consecutive days is harsh.

Heyyy

Today it was decided at work that I will be called Jack. So I am. Until further notice, I am Jack. Not in that Fight Club way, either. I am not Jack's wasted life. Jack doesn't roll that way, baby. So jonglish is put on hold in favor of Jackanese. And that's all Jack has to say right now, baby. So until later, catch ya on the flipside.


- Jack.

oh man. i had the best wakeup ever today. it all started around 9am when suddenly i just hear a string of 'fuck you, motherfucker' and 'cocksucking bitch!' apparently, the black couple down the hall is on the "outs" right now. i believe he's a two-timing manwhore, and she's giving him the boot. since i heard her throwing all his stuff into the hallway. except his video camera. but man oh man. it was some serious entertainment first thing in the morning. i love hearing people air their dirty laundry in the hallway.

nothing. nevermind.

it was a dark and stormy night. i had just gotten back from my creative writing class. oh wait. no. i was born a poor black child. i remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in mississippi. no. that's not it either. i was born on june 7th, 1981. a sunday. at 11:11 am. no lie. ask my mom. i was born on time, as well. very punctual, even at birth. one may even say i put the punk in punctual. in fact, i said that. and was quoted by henry rollins, as i'll get to later. my dad missed my birth, as he was in new york city taking his eighth grade class on a trip. that gives me reason to complain with other people, since every year he missed my birthday on the trips. but i digress. i was a c-section, because i didn't want to come out. even before i was born, i was lazy. i don't remember much of what came after. and i never went back to my baby book to learn much else. i did swallow a penny when i was a baby. my mom was on the phone and being the little attention grabber i was, i swallowed it. then she saved it and put it in my baby book. but then again, i was the middle child. in a way. see, my oldest sister, lisa, is 3 years older than me. but she's severely retarded. always was a sore spot for me to talk about. so i was a bit of the oldest child. it was hard for me to adapt to. i used to use it to my advantage with my little sister, julie. and provoke lisa to just sort of attack julie, since she was awful violent. my mom always was getting scratched up trying to dress lisa. it always bothered me. since i couldn't tell you how many times i saw my mom cry over it. but having a retarded sister did sort of make me more of a well adjusted adult. i always feel a bond with this kid that comes into my gamecrazy with his retarded brother, just because i know what it's like. getting picked on because your sibling is so unlike the other kids. not cool. even today, i rarely tell anyone about her. always was hard to do. i mean, when you're eight years old and are ashamed to have your friends come over because of your sister, it kind of messes you up a little bit. but my mom always tried to make it as unawkward as possible. keeping her in the house when i'd go outside. or let her play outside when my friends would come over. but i digress.

when i was 4, i had crushes on every girl. i hoped to play joseph in the school nativity, since mary was this girl i had a huge crush on. but alas. inkeeper. story of my life. 'hey dude, you're shacking up with my girl. let me show you to the room.' another time, my mom took me to mcdonald's with this girl i liked, and she got a happy meal with a toy she didn't want, so i gave her mine. being the wonderful person i was at the time. i always wanted to be that perfect guy. ever since i was little. i remember always seeing the sitcoms with the mean guys and the girls complaining about them and wishing they could find a nice guy. and up until i was about 15, it was my goal in life to be that guy. and we'll get to that. later. but when i was a young lad, i wanted to give the girl my happy meal toy, because she'd be happy. and they're called happy meals, so logically, you should be happy, right? and as a naive lad, her being happy meant me being happy. but i was much more akward than just that. i was somewhere between bully and bullied. i could pick on the smaller kids, but there were plenty of bullies to push me around, too. i never was good at having a place. i was always very sway. never fit into any set class. and as i grew up, i had my dad for a principal, which made it even tougher. since i always would have to behave. since if i stepped out of line, double whammy. couldn't lie when i got home, or get in trouble and fake a signature. and of course, everyone assumed favortism. alas it was anything but. sadly, i can't remember nearly as much about those formative years as i could before. they used to consume my thoughts. i'd be sitting in class in high school, even college, and just be swept up in 5 year old awkward emotions of embarrassment. and i probably dumped them all last time i wrote my life story. but i can't remember much of them. so keep in mind, i was always terribly awkward and not nearly as well off as this life story may make me seem. i never knew if people were laughing at me or with me. even today, i get paranoid. whenever i act crazy at work, i can't tell if people laugh with me or at me. so i try to drift into the background. i think this is good for today. keep checking for more! my life is constantly happening!

well. i'm packing now. and i must say, i don't remember the last time i was this excited for anything. seriously. this is the best feeling ever. and yes, i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, because when it does, it will kill. but until then, i will ride this high. and still, it's hard to believe that less than 36 hours from now, i will be moved in. but, i will be internetless for a short period. need you get a hold of me, my phone number is, as always, 472-3363. i can give you the address and directions from there. god. this truly is the best idea mankind ever came up with. kim + jon moving out. woo.

ah. instead of going to get my car inspected, i decided to get on my '18' cd. delve back to the days of lame emoness. when i thought that if it was on vagrant or jade tree, it was awesome. and i would stay up all night talking to kim and andrea. every night. and write in my opendiary. with my entries having song titles. until i ran out. with, of course, 'polar opposites' as it was the style of the time. the best part about lj was i finally had reason to stop. thank god. or else i'd be so fucked. nearly 1500 entries. i'd have to go grab an anal cunt cd and list like 'pottery's gay' for an entry or something. and read everyone else's. and be like 'are they talking about me?' because everyone was 10x vaguer there. back when i had my radio show at roanoke. oh man. i used to love that thing. and not really care that no one was listening. i always hoped 'oh what if my dream girl happens to be channel surfing and hears me.' but deep down knew better. or at least knew that if she were listening, i wouldn't know what to even say. as i was 23x worse at talking to strangers then. amazing eh? and the time my computer broke and i was without the internet (kind of) for like 2 months. and had to trek to the computer lab to talk to kim and andrea. and not do my homework. and whine about not having a girlfriend. and being so lonely. and things seemed so horrible back then. but they weren't. i remember sitting at my computer for hours, playing the old grand theft auto. then going and walking around salem. god. i knew that place so well just from doing my 'lonely emo walks'. since standing outside the dorm smoking sucked. since after like a month i gave up on that 'meeting new people' thing. i actually didn't quit smoking because i thought it'd be a nice way to make friends. since all my high school friends smoked and that's how i made new friends. smoking outside. and oh god. i used to be so lame. i'm listening to onelinedrawing's 'tides' and i can already feel it welling up. this song used to hit me hard every time. i remember how i used to be so incredibly emo. i think it stepped up when i was more 19. but 18 was the beginning. i was still too into ska to just give up and cry, mostly. comparatively. thanks to fight club, i'd say. and i still had some sort of 'hope' left. fight club really was the jam. sitting in the dorm, every night, watching that damn movie. or rushmore somtimes. or the occasional lebowski. or cannibal the musical for like a week. i really forgot how i used to care so much about music. like when i rode my bike to the record store like every week to buy some crappy emo album. or walked like 20 miles to get saves the day, because some asshole broke the back tire on my bike one friday night. it's amazing that i'm admitting to being so lame. and i'm sure to some, it seems endearing. but i do declare, it's nice to look back and see where i came from. instead of my normal 'i just appeared on earth yesterday. i have no history.' and 'i do declare' just reminded me of high school, sitting in math class, solving the cryptoquip. since it always began 'i do declare' since every letter that appears has to appear twice or more, and that little thing has no bearing on the rest of the sentence, but has a bunch of letters like d and c and l that sometimes can be hard to fit in otherwise. i'm really enjoying typing along as i make these cds. jus as further documentation. this is sort of becoming my own personal 'scrapbooking' thing. which is very popular with mom-types these days. and oh man, remember that saves the day acoustic album? man. that thing was so great back when. it was 19 for me. same with the weakerthans. a bunch of stuff actually. i have to blame that all on sarah. she got me into a bunch of bands and such that i probably would've missed out on and elongated the emo phase. like dashboard. oh man. i wanted to hate dashboard. and if you ask me, i'll tell you i always did. but right here, i'm admitting i was a HUGE fan for a bit. i'll never say that again. i listened to rancid nonstop since i was 15. if you ask. i still feel up in the air about that whole thing with her. i rather liked her for a while. but the distance. and such. and i know she was getting jealous that i spent more time talking to kim than her. and in the end, i suppose rightly so. as like 2 days after sarah and i broke up, kim and i were like 'going out'. and then that fizzled. and now we're moving out together. (oddly enough, we've never spoken of it since. and i'll be shocked if i actually post that.) i'm amazed i've kept friends this long, to be frank. but they're the friends i would've expected to keep. kim and andrea and somewhat kaci. from time to time, when she's online. i really miss the old roanoke days hanging out with kaci. maybe 19 will be the better cd. the more i think about it, the more pivotal year it was. and you know what? i missed my 5 year reunion at high school. i was kind of looking forward to seeing people. but who goes to the 5? 10 is where it's at. suddenly 'oh i'm majoring in advanced calculus and am on the dean's list. you're at target? i see... well. i must get back to networking!' becomes 'oh. i had to come straight from the pizza place. my boss wouldn't let me out early.' ah 2009. how i long for thee! i'll come back to buffalo for that. from wherever i am. and i'm so trying not to end these cds like the mix cds of the day. like std's 'jodie' right into guk's 'i'll catch you'. god. EVERY mix i made back then ended with that. EVERY ONE. i was beyond predictable back then. i can't believe how hard this mix has become. it seemed to easy. but as i listen to these cds, they're a lot of either 19 or just 'eh' or i don't have a clue which one song to put. i could dump all of 'clarity' on here, end it with 'asleep' and be fine. but my fans expect more. they expect some 'waiting' or anniversary or juliana theory (not that i ever listened to them...). and just listening to this all makes it feel brisk out. and i expect to look out and see leaves all over the ground and cute couples with their cuteness on walking around holding hands and making me jealous. damn this music. but i guess this is how i know which songs to pick. because damn. if they still do this 5 years later, damn. it's all coming back to me. man. my computer's on the fritz. so this entry's in the books. but this cd isn't. YET. and seriously. holla if you want a copy of any year. or the whole boxset. i'll even make sure the cds burn properly. unlike 16. which begins with the last track. damn my impatience not to double check it. and i'm sure i'll add more songs to them soon, when i remember more...

ok. so i'm still awake. as in didn't sleep. and working tonight at gc. but not target. anyway. i'm working my way through the skacd and can't find ANY atari teenage riot. so it may have to wait until tonight to finish. but that's not why i'm posting. i was just remembering my plan for winter! i'm going to make my own katamari snowball damacy! totally! i'll start with a little snowball and just keep rolling until it picks up people. anyone who wants to assist, or compete against me in a no-holds-barred katamari roll-off, holla back.

ah. i'm finished making "16". finally. since i didn't wake up until nearly 9pm yesterday. so i'm way too awake to sleep. but now i'm getting sick of this damn computer screen. so i may nap and call it a day with this. or continue on to "17" which will be the crown jewel of this collection, as many of you surely recall. a TON of ska, a little bit of techno, leftover punk, early emo/pop punk. bumble bee tuna, atari teenage riot, mr t experience, blink 182's rendition of strings off buddha. god. to believe some of you knew me back then and STILL continued talking to me. but i digress. these will certainly be the GREATEST cds you've ever heard. the GREATEST. i'm already preparing to listen to 'scattered' again. that song owned every waking minute of my life for some time, i do recall. this truly is the greatest mix anyone in history has ever undertaken. i may well make a million copies of it. so fucking amazing. i swear, it's the fountain of youth. you pop the cd in and you're 16 all over again. i'll probably consider 'moving out' to be 'running away from home' because i 'hate my parents' because they 'don't understand me'.